Archive for October, 2005

The One That Got Away

Friday, October 21st, 2005

   In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost yourvirginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. Therewas no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do withthe matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

  How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply becauseyou’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

  Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned inyour life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, andyou’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s notelling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be
in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

  If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen yourmarriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in thefuture when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if
it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve
dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got
away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."
   

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WhEn L O V E DiEs…

Tuesday, October 18th, 2005

                           

Sometimes, love dies. And there is no explanation for it.

Some of us see it coming. Some of us don’t. But most of us try not to see it at all. Because it is easier to pretend that all is well rather than admit that your dreams have been shattered and you are left only with the broken pieces of your heart.

It hurts to imagine the person we love with someone else. It hurts to no longer be the object of his affections. It hurts to no longer be wanted.

It hurts to be discarded, replaced and dumped unceremoniously like an old rag that has outlived its usefulness.

It hurts to no longer be loved.

But it happens everyday to the best among us–to the beautiful, the kind, the talented, the smart, the successful, the multi-awarded. It happens to the perfect wife, sister, friend and mother. It happens to the civic leader, the CEO, the cover girl.

We’ve been raised since childhood to believe that love must last forever. And perhaps it must. But isn’t it possible to simply be happy for the love you have no matter if it doesn’t last forever? Isn’t it possible to simply savor the moment and become richer by it without wanting to posses it forever? Isn’t it possible to love and let go and love again?

Isn’t it possible to love forever but to love different people overtime?

It’s all right to no longer be loved. It’s all right to stop loving.

It’s all right to mourn for love’s losses but to condemn yourself to a life of misery because your love did not last forever is foolhardly. If love must die, let it go peacefully into the night.

But don’t keep score. Love is not a contest. It is not a competition to see who emerges the prettiest, the craftiest or toughest. Love is what it is– a gift. It cannot be forced on anyone.

Neither can it be forced out of anyone. So let it be.

When love dies, hold on to the memories. But let go of the one you

love.

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Anything Less Than Mad Love Is A Waste Of Your Time

Tuesday, October 18th, 2005

One of the most recently released movies that haveperhaps hit home(cringe!),so to speak,is the low budget"Dream for an Insomniac"starring Ione Skye and Jennifer Aniston.The lead actorused to be achild star but unfortunately,the movies,which catapulted himto fame,have alreadyslipped my mind.Try to rent a copy of this movie not because of the talentof those whostarred in it but because of thedialogue.One of those lines,which bore a hole in myheart,was,and I quote(not verbatim, though):
"I don’t want to be sixty years old and married to my second-bestchoice,wondering what ever happened tothe one who got away."
This is just one of the twogreat lines inthat movie.I’ll tell you what the other oneis later.Meantime,let me concentrate on this line-theline that sends chills down your spine once you decide to spendmore than five seconds thinking about it.
Have you everwondered what it must feel like married to the oneyou settled on?This truly gives me great feelings of anxiety.It mightbe difficult toaccept the word "settle" because it conjures!Up images of quasi-happiness and half-hearted glee.Yes, there is some sort ofsatisfactionand perhaps,some feeling of security that can be derived from sucha partnership but I wonder,couldthere beanything more?Tosettle is to ultimatelyaccept what is withinreach,what is available,what is the re.To settle is toconvinceone’s self thatthe decision about to be made is inevitable,realistic,and safe.To settle is torisk not ever beingtruly happy because onedecides to adopt the worst type of ‘bahala na’attitude on life’s greatest challenges.And settling is asorry consequence of the passage of time.Yes,time can be the balm that soothes open,painful woundsin one’s heart but it can also be that darkforce thatmanipulatesone’s mind into thinking and believing that the choiceone has madeis the bestchoice..the only choice.Whattime does,and I’msure you’ll agree,is itlodges one’s mindand heart in a cage with thedoor partly open-withthe promise of a betterlife losing its appealover the reality of the present,the convenient,and the routine.
Timealso pressures one into selecting a suitor or spousebecause "there is no one else" and"I’m in a hurry" and there,"this will do".Thewickedness of "settling" is not one way.It also eventuallyhurts the onewho was chosen because in all respects,the truth will surface.You no doubt realizethat you just wasted each other’s time and emotions.But then again, if yourspouse chose you not because he or she"settled", then forgetabout the win-win situation you were gunning for.
Frankie(Ione Skye)delivered that line when she was deciding whether ornot to do everything possible to win David Shrader’s heart.David happened to be involvedwith someone else.He was attracted to Frankie but didn’t really think it wise tosplit up with his girlfriendof three years on alimb. Very much unlikeyou and me,Frankie is very a typical of the Rules Girl. She went forDavid, bared hersoul,and tried to convince him that he will only be happy with her.She thengave him the othergreat line in the movie to make him leave his girlfriend for her."Anything less than mad, passionate love is a waste of my time."
Many times,in my nottoo colorful past,I almost gave in to the urge to tell the boy Iliked what I felt for him. In all those times,I optedotherwise for fear of my mother’s wrath and,of course,embarrassment in caseof rejection.I am scared of losing my precious dignity and pride in case he tellsme that he only sees me asa friend.I’m sure you gotthrough these exercises in your psyche too.Sometimes, our heartswin out over our brains when our certainty over the outcomeis great.I try to espouseThe Rules and very rarely make the first move.More often than not,I wait for the guy to call.Now you know thatI’m one of those who walk the avenues of life on a sidewalk-neveroff it.Now,I’mstarting to believe otherwise.I see the beauty in sharing yourfeelings with the one you love-not because you expectsomething in return but because life cannot be livedotherwise.It is a great,big step for an otherwise conservative,girllike you and me,but if you think about it,it’s the only way to go.

Richard Paul Evans’ bestseller after The Christmas Box-The Locket-tells us the story of a woman who fell in love with a soldier when they were both very young. They shared their feelings with each other and were very happy. Eventually, he went off to war and she married somebody else, thinking he wouldn’t return to her. Years passed and they lived their separate lives-he married and had a family while the woman’s husband and son eventually succumbed to illnesses and died. She decided to wait for her soldier’s wife to die before she came back to him-because she didn’t think it was right to complicate his life. The wait took more than sixty years until she eventually found the announcement of his wife’s death in the obituary. By his time, the woman was already 80 and could barely walk. Sadly, by the time she managed to find her soldier to tell him she loved him, he was already senile. The woman eventually died a few days after seeing her soldier and perhaps going through the most heart-wrenching experience in her life. She was too late. The morals of the stories I have mentioned above are similar and almost connected to each other. Perhaps another book theme that we can tie into these is that line from The Bridges of Madison County-"This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime." I am of the belief that each person is given the chance to find his one true love as he goes about his life. Sometimes, the opportunity is not too obvious, especially for those who are content with their situation and therefore are not seeking "greener pastures." These times, the chance is often passed up. The luckier ones are those who are probably more clear-minded and in touch with their emotions because they can easily recognize what is staring them in the face. Whether this chance is passed up or not, I know that the feeling one gets when this chance is still within reach is one of certainty. Yes, it is also accompanied with feelings of danger, of risk, and of possible pain but compensating for this is that inexplicable "sureness," that sense of profound happiness that has never been derived anywhere else but from that one person who just happened to pass by in your tidy little life. I call true love a gift because of its rarity. It does not happen everyday. If you pass it up the first time, try not to be too arrogant to look away when it comes by the second time. You may ask me "how will I know if this is my true love?" My answer to that is this: true love is that strong, awesome feeling that scares the hell out of you but always makes you unbearably happy. It doesn?t go away, no matter how much you will it to. More than anything else, you’ll know in your heart when you meet him that he is the one. He doesn’t become the one the same way that soulmates do not become soulmates later in life. With him, you are damn certain that you are not settling. With him, you know that you will be sixty years old and never wondering about the one that got away because he never did… He’s right there holding your hand.

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What Hurts…..

Tuesday, October 18th, 2005

Letting go of a person you’ve learned and decided to love

Reminiscing the good and bad times you shared together

Shielding your heart to love somebody

Trying to hide what you really feel

Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes

Loving a person too much

Giving up someone you never thought of giving up

Having the right love at the wrong time

Taking the risk to fall in love again

Hiding your relationship from someone else

Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend

Thinking of him/her every waking and
sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you

Letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper

Holding back only to find out when it’s too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn’t let the feelings out

Falling in love with someone you didn’t mean to fall in love with

Finding the perfect girl/man - with only one problem - he/she doesnt love you

Helping the one you love court your friend

Seeing the one you love crying for someone else

The waiting also hurts like hell

Having to hear "… I’ve met someone"

Agreeing to his/her wish to "just be
friends"

Asking him/her freedom back coz "he/she’d be happier with him/her"

Asking you to "forget that everything
happened" and be "normal" friends
again

Hearing that you’re treated as a
brother/sister (ouch!)

Sharing his/her future plans for the guy/gal with you

You stopped being friends coz his/her bf/gf asked him/her to

Being denied in front of people

Telling you lies where he/she’d been when actually, he/she was with a "new friend" or an "old flame"

He/she told you he/she’d be leaving you to return to his/her ex (the one he/she left for you!)

Breaking someone’s heart

Fighting for that one thing that would make you happy

That is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unlesshe/she fix him/herself - then, you are left hanging for the
moment - then he/she says, time will  tell…he/she still haven’t decided…but you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her

PRETENDING you’re OK when inside you’re dying

PRETENDING to be strong and RECOGNIZING your weakness lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have

Being with someone you can’t actually love

Pretending you don’t love a person whom you actually love

Being in love

Letting go even if you really don’t want to, having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision

Seeing the person you love hurt because of you and not being able to help that person

Having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be
the same again when hedoesn’t treat you with the same closeness as  before

Having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely  destroying the wall that you built for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable

Admitting that you love someone despite her imperfections

Finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before

Realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up

The thought that this boy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well kaso you didn’t give enough and he/she gave up on you

Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else

Making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered, the commitment is no longer there

The hardest thing about love - believing it exists

Ouch

After you’ve been hurt
   

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Some Things About Me

Tuesday, October 18th, 2005

                                          

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Anne
2. Marie
3. Madam

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Bambolina
2. Aninipot
3. Babygum

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My being loyal to my friends
2. My being so passionate
3. I don’t dwell on grudge & regrets

THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I easily fall in love & get crazy
2. No definite plan for life, laid back
3. My passion for shopping

TEN RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
1. I’m outgoing, i love the outdoors
2. I have a lot of friends & easily get along with everybody
3. I love my dogs Lovely, Mars, & Bingkay
4. I love to shop bags, shoes, & accessories
5. I love my family, friends, & my dogs
6. I love to party & get lost
7. I want to go to Italy (Tuscany)-DONE!!!
8. I enjoy my freedom but have already found  ‘the one’-DONE!!!
9. I want to have 3 kids someday
10. I am a Math addict…mwehehehe!

MY MOST FAVORITE PLACES (before)
1. My home in VA, CDO
2. PS!!!
3. Siargao Island
4. Initao Coastal Forest
5. Impasug-ong man-made Forest
6. Mt. Dulang-dulang
7. Camiguin Hot Spring
8. Lake Venado (Mt. Apo)
9. Duka Bay
10.Kaamulan

MY MOST FAVORITE PLACES (recent)

1. Our home in Xinzhuang

2. My home in VA, CDO

3. Boracay

4. Cebu

5. Florence, Italy (lovely place)

6. Verona (Romeo & Juliets place. the best ice cream ive tasted is here)

7. Paris (my next destination)

8. Hangzhou (lovely lakeside, huh!)

9. i still love Impasug-ong in Bukidnon, nothings like it

10. Scotland ( i would love to see the castles here)

EIGHT THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. The only one thing I have asked for more than 10 yrs already happened…meet him
2. Go to Tuscany & just live by myself (i did, but with Cicco)
3. Get over my past- DONE!!!
4. Get married to the right person- DONE!!!
5. Have 3 kids
6. Travel outside the country with my family- soon
7. Live with Lovely, Mars, & Bingkay (my  babies)- seems impossible now
8. Be a cup "B"- hahaha!
9. Raise a Chihuahua- i have Bobbitto now, tsk, tsk!

SEVEN WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. Make me laugh.
2. Love my Lovely, Mars, & Bingkay
3. Don’t show off
4. Let me love you
5. Respect my individuality
6. Keep romance alive
7. Respect my family & friends

FIVE THINGS IM AFRAID OF
1. Bad dreams
2. Losing my family & my love ones
3. Losing Lovely, Mars, & Bingkay
4. Losing my sanity everytime i fall
5. Not having my own family- i have a family now :)

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE ITEMS IN MY BEDROOM
1. My collage with my friend’s pix=> our one side wall mirror
2. My lampshade=> my laptop (always with me)
3. My bed
4. My CD’s => my overflowing closet

THREE THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. Take a shower
2. Talk to Americans 8 hrs. a day=>talk to foreigners 8 hrs a day
3. Think of my baby=> stay beside my Amore

TWO THINGS I AM TRYING NOT TO DO RIGHT NOW
1. Worry => about going to work fr holiday
2. Thinking about what could have been…

ONE PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW
1. My baby=> Amore mio

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Filipino
2. Filipino
3. Filipino…ahm 100ilipino

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Clothing
2. Food
3. Cellphone

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Denim pants=>fleece pajama
2. Pink Tank Top=>fleece sweater
3. Stiletto=>cotton socks (hehe, its winter now)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1. Boyz 2 Men
2. Smashing Pumpkins=> Macy Gray
3. Enya=> Nelly Furtado

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Love Moves In Mysterious Ways=>L’emozione Non Ha Voce
2. The Only One=>La Camisa Negra
3. Spend My Life With You => Me Voi

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Move to Shanghai=>go to Paris
2. Get a job in Shanghai=>visit PI
3. Meet my fiancee (whew!)=>establish my career

SIX THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Humor
4. Passion…
5. Respect
6. Trust

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (before)
1. I can’t wait to start a new life in Shanghai.
2. I am going to miss my PS & Kagaw friends, my family, & my Lovely, Mars, & Bingkay
3. I will not be lonely in Shanghai (Can i bring everybody with me???)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (now)

1. I’m happily married, very happily married that i cant believe i found the exact person i had been dreaming of (uhhhhhhh)

2. I want to stay happy with my Amore for the rest of my life

3. I dont miss PI ( i dooooooo!!!)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Height
2. Face=>color, i like black guys but im happy with my white man                                                                                    

3. Abs…whoa!=> Ass (i hate flat assed guy, hehe!)
(But I don’t choose a guy because of his looks, looks can be deceiving)

THINGS YOU JUST CANT DO                                                   
1. Hurt an animal-true!
2. Forget the internet=> miss checking my email everyday (cant!)                                                                
3. Not miss my baby ( I miss him soooo!)=>hurt my Amore (love him too much to hurt him)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Clubbing=>shopping
2. Shopping=>shopping
3. Hiking/ Camping ( i love the outdoors!)=>shopping

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Actuarian=> Financial adviser
2. Engineer=> F&B Manager
3. Real Estate Agent=> Sales

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. Tuscany-DONE!!!=> PARIS                                                                       
2. British Columbia=>THE REST OF EUROPE
3. Chesapeake, VA (nothin’s here)=> CARIBBEAN

          

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